Three Words
by NekuYasha
Summary: UPDATED & EDITED! What if OZ actually managed to kill Heero Yuy? What would that do to the loved ones in his life? Better yet, does anyone know if they were really loved by him? After all, did Heero Yuy even KNOW how to say those three little words? W
1. The Downward Spiral

This was started as a songfic but it expanded into something more, so just imagine the song

'If Tomorrow Never Comes' by Garth Brooks playing in the background.

**Standard disclaimers apply**: I don't own the song, Gundam Wing, or any of it's characters,

just the story idea for 'Three Words'.

Also, I feel I need to dedicate this to ESM for starting me on fanfics and making me realize how cute Heero and Duo could be.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One month ago...

One day a fight broke out. It was the last remnants of OZ making a final stand. And as per normal, the Gundam Pilots were called on to take care of it. OZ's troops didn't stand a chance.

"An exercise in futility" one reporter called it. The Pilots had varied opinions on the uprising but they all had one in common-'This Ends NOW'.

There was only one problem. After they suited up, headed to the field, and faced the enemy, something happened that none of them ever expected: Heero Yuy was killed.

OZ went down quickly but far from quietly. They had few weapons and even fewer real troops. But before they were all killed, one man got in a lucky shot. Everyone was thought dead or incompacitated as the Gundam Pilots climbed out of their cockpits to survey the damage. And that one perfect moment of silence was shattered as a dying man used his last ounce of strength to sight his gun and pull the trigger. And as everyone looked around for the shooter, one more body fell to Earth to join the dead- Heero Yuy.

Duo was inconsolable in the coming days, not that Quatre and Trowa didn't try. All Duo could do was sit in silence at the funeral, watching quietly as Heero's casket was lowered into the ground in a small, private cemetary on the backside of the Winner Estate.

"It's fitting," Duo had said when Quatre offered to set aside the space for Heero and subsequently them all.

"Heero would've wanted that. We travelled life together, We'll travel death together."

That part had worried the Arabian even more, but then, at least, Duo had been talking. Now, as Quatre watched Duo, the only things issuing for the brown-haired American were the tears trailing down his face.

'I suppose it's a far cry from when he saw Heero's body falling from Wing Zero,' Quatre thought. 'And at the hospital...' Quatre shivered at the memory...

If someone had told Quatre that Duo really WAS Shinigami and that he had sprouted wings, he wouldn't have doubted them. That's how fast Duo had almost literally flew to Heero's side.

"Heero? Heero, speak to me! Heero!"

Duo flipped the Japanese young man over as he spoke and gasped. Blood. Blood was everywhere. The worst gore was seeping from two spots: the wound in his chest where the bullet had penetrated his flightsuit, and his head where he had landed head-first on the pavement from his Swan dive of death. Heero's eyes opened for a moment and focused on Duo.

"Duo...I..."

And that was it. Heero passed back out.

"TROWA!"

Duo gathered Heero into his arms and yelled at Trowa to get them to the hospital, pronto. Wufei stayed behind to finish clean-up of the battlesite as Quatre cleared the way for Trowa and his bloody cargo. When Quatre caught up to Duo he was standing outside an Emergency Operating Room oblivious to Heero's blood dripping off of his flightsuit. Trowa was trying to get him to go clean up but Duo was having none of it.

"No! What if they need a blood donor? What if he wakes up? Huh? No, I'm staying right here until he wakes up and tells me he's f-fine."

Duo choked on the last words and Quatre laid a hand on the American's arm.

"Duo."

"What, Quatre?"

He didn't even look away from the curtain hiding the Emergency crew that was frantically working on Heero.

"Duo. Calm down, please?"

The pleading tone in Quatre's voice finally drew Duo's gaze.

The young Arabian continued,"The medics are doing everything they can for Heero. If they need anything I'm sure they'll let us know. And when they DO let us see him, they'll NEVER let you go in covered in all that muck!"

Duo looked down at himself finally noticing the condition of his flightsuit. He grimaced, looking at his hair.

"Man, I'm a mess. I even got it in my braid."

Quatre held up a hand, holding Duo's emergency set of civilian clothes from Deathscythe and took Duo's hand with the other.

"Come on, Duo. Let's go clean you up. Trowa will let us know if anything happens."

Trowa nodded and Duo let Quatre lead him away. Trowa watched the young Arabian and American disappear around the corner. A small smile curved his lips as he thought of Quatre and how sweetly he always tried to take care of everyone. No one could resist the young Arabian and he had quickly taken up residence in Trowa's heart. Fortunately the feeling had been reciprocated. The Gundam Pilots were already living together at the Winner Estate so it wasn't hard to go from 'just friends' to 'a couple'. It was no suprise then that Duo had taken advantage of the close quarters to convince Heero that he DID have a heart after all. The suprising part was that Heero had responded so well. The two of them had become a steadfast couple. And, although Heero didn't show it well, anyone who really knew them could see that they were most assuredly in love.

Trowa looked at the curtain hiding the E.O.R. and frowned at what little he could hear. It wasn't going well. Trowa cast a slightly worried glance in the direction Quatre and Duo had disappeared.

'I certainly hope they're successful in putting Heero back together. I know how tore up I'd be if something were to happen to Quatre, but Duo, he'll be devastated if Heero dies.'

----------

Inside the bathroom, Quatre was almost done cleaning all the blood from Duo's hair.

"Your hair is so beautiful, Duo. But I could see where it would take you forever to get through it on your own every morning."

The American's brown locks fell well past his waist when not braided. Duo chuckled.

"Yeah, that's why I enlisted Heero's help. He grumbled at first but I knew how much he liked my hair. You know, I joked once that I'd just cut it off so he didn't have to help me anymore." Another chuckle. "He came unglued."

Quatre smiled shaking his head. "I'll bet you paid for that."

Duo smiled warmly at the memory. "Yeah, but I liked it."

Quatre finished braiding the thick plait and told Duo,

"O.K., finished. Now, let's go see how that knucklehead's doing. We've taken so long in here that they're HAS to be some type of word by now."

Duo smiled following Quatre into the hall. "I'll bet you're right. Let's go."

------------

When they found Trowa he was still outside the E.O.R. but now he was talking with a doctor.

"Hey," said Duo excitedly, "there's news!"

He all but ran to Trowa and the doctor. Quatre however, could tell by Trowa's expression that the news wasn't good. Much of the noise from the O.R. had been silenced. That fact didn't seem to escape Duo as he neared the two quietly talking figures.

"Trowa, Doc, What's going on? How's Heero? Can I see him?"

Duo's questions came tumbling out one after the other before any of them could be answered. The doctor looked at a loss so Trowa cleared his throat.

"Duo...Heero's surgery didn't go well."

Duo looked at him questioningly.

"What do you mean 'didn't go well'?"

He looked at the doctor quickly.

"He's gonna be alright, isn't he?"

The doctor sighed.

"Mr. Yuy's injuries were pretty severe. He..."

At that moment the curtain was drawn back and the orderliles started wheeling out Heero's guerney, with the sheet pulled all the way up. Duo went from horrified to livid. Before the other two Gundam Pilots could stop him, the American had latched onto the doctor's lapels and started shaking him.

"What are you DOING? Where are you TAKING HIM!"

Trowa and Quatre managed to pry Duo off of the terrified Doctor.

He sighed again and said simply,"I'm sorry. He didn't make it."

He shrugged, lost for words a moment. Then,

"It wasn't just blood loss but the severity of the injuries. We have plenty of blood for transfusions, but we couldn't stop the bleeding. Whatever Mr. Yuy hit split his skull clean open. Normally we could deal with that, no problem, but the impact trauma caused his brain to swell incredibly which caused even more hemmorhaging. Not to mention the bullet wound. It went in at such an angle that it barely even touched the ribcage but still went straight through the left ventricle of his heart. And if that weren't bad enough, the bullet bounced around after going through the heart and lodged in his spine between the eighth and nineth vertabrae."

The doc took a breath finally, and said,

"IF Mr. Yuy had survived, not only would he have been a parapalegic but he would've been in great pain every day for the rest of his life. Be thankful your friend died quickly."

Duo just stood there motionless, then,

"No. It can't be. It can't be Heero. He's too stubborn to die. He's not dead."

Duo walked over to the guerney and pulled back the sheet, intent on proving it wasn't Heero. What he saw there made him sink to his knees. And the baleful sound that issued from him broke Quatre's heart.

Quatre shook himself out of his reverie as those present at the funeral started to file past, hugging, shaking hands, and offering condolences. Duo barely responded to anyone or anything. His grief was pent up but still so incredibly appearent that not even Wufei said anything about his behavior. On the contrary, when the services were through and everyone but Duo had headed back inside, Wufei offered to help Quatre and Trowa haul Duo back into the mansion.

Quatre shook his head, saying, "Thanks, Wufei, But no."

Trowa nodded, adding, "It's probably best if we just give Duo some space and time to think."

With that the three pilots headed back into the estate.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

O.K., What do you think?

I know it's angst-y, but I promise it will be worth it.

Please stay tuned to read Chapter 2.

E-mail me any questions and/or comments.

Remember, authors love feedback!

And bare in mind that this is my first posted fanfic, so please be nice or at least

constructive with your criticizim.

Thanx:)


	2. Deeper and Darker

Standard Disclaimers apply: I don't own anything but this storyline.

To ESM- Thanks for the review! I hope you read the rest!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first thing Heero was aware of was the tree he was standing under. The next was Duo's voice coming from the other side of it. He walked around the tree to find the brown haired American kneeling in front of what looked like a tombstone, but it was the only one present.

'Well, I can't be in a graveyard then, but what am I doing outside?' "Duo."

The American continue to talk quietly under his breath. Heero's lips twitched, slightly annoyed. He didn't like being ignored and only Duo did it to him.

"Duo, what are you doing?"

Still nothing. Heero let out a compressed breath and walked over to Duo's side determined to find out what he was doing kneeling in the dirt, or at least who he was talking to. And although he practically walked in front of the American, Duo acted like he never even saw him.

"I'm so sorry, Heero."

He jumped as Duo finally aknowledged him.

"Sorry? For what?"

"I'm so sorry. I should have insisted that we stay inside our Gundams until we KNEW they were all incompacitated. I should've known. Heero, I'm so sorry."

With that, Duo buried his head in his hands and began to sob.

Heero hated it when Duo got so emotional. He just didn't know how to handle him when he was like this. What's worse, he didn't even know what was wrong this time.

"Duo, what's wrong? Why are you so upset? Duo? Duo, answer m..."

Heero's breath caught in his throat as the hand he was laying on Duo's shoulder passed right through it. Heero looked at his hand and back at Duo. Then finally, the writing on the tombstone caught his eye:

_Here lies Heero Yuy_

_Not the pacifist, but the peace maker _

_To this galaxy that gave him nothing,_

_He gave everything. _

_1 of 5 Gundam Pilots_

_Charged with bringing peace to everyone,_

_Even when no one wanted it. _

_He is loved._

_He is missed._

_Now and Forever_.

And in the background was a beautifully chiseled depiction of Wing Zero Custom. Heero felt like he had been shot by the Buster Rifle. But even as he reeled internally, Heero's mind worked with it's usual swiftness, assimilating the situation and putting everything into perspective. The plain truth was thus: He was dead. Duo wasn't ignoring him, he just couldn't hear him. Instead, Duo was kneeling at his graveside weeping uncontrollably. It made something in the region of Heero's heart ache.

"I'm s-so sorry, Heero. So s-s-sorry."

Heero looked at Duo with uncharacteristic sadness and said simply,

"No, Duo. I'm the one that's sorry."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Present...

Duo sat in a chair beside the window in what had been their room, staring out at the gravesite that was visible from his perch. Heero sat on the bed watching Duo. Heero shook his head and flopped back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. This had become their routine lately. For the first week after Heero's funeral Duo all but slept at his gravside. Finally, at Quatre's pleading, Duo limited his time at the grave to an hour or so a day and the rest of the time in his room staring out his window.

Heero, in this time, spent his days figuring out how to cope with being dead. At first, it had been hard to swallow the fact that he was dead. Not that he feared death, then or now. He just didn't figure he would still be hanging around here. Actually, he figured that he'd probably be up to his eyeballs in brimstone and hellfire.

'Guess that's one cheerful thought.'

Then he spent time trying to figure out WHY he was still here, the whole time tagging along behind Duo. Now and again, while Duo slept, Heero would find one of the other pilots to tag after, but he never stayed away long. Eventually Heero started to realize that he was still here because there was something he hadn't done that needed to be done. But what that was he still wasn't sure, let alone how to accomplish it while in his current state. Then, one day when Quatre brought Duo lunch...

"Duo, come on. Eat Something, PLEASE?"

Quatre pleaded. Duo just sat there staring on.

"Duo. Duo, listen to me. I know you're still hurting. We all are, just not like you. But as much as we all miss Heero and wish he were here, the truth is, he's not. And whether we like it or not, life goes on. It sucks, and it's a bitter pill to swallow, I know. But it's true."

Quatre brought the tray over to Duo, placing it on a small table that had been put there for just this purpose. Then he took hold of Duo's hands, kneeling in front of him. Duo jerked slightly at his touch but didn't pull away.

"Duo," Quatre began again, "Come on, Duo. Eat something for me. If not for me then for yourself. You've barely eaten anything in weeks, You've lost weight. You're starting to look pallid..."

Duo just stared. Then,

"Duo, no matter how much you miss him orhow much you wish you were dead too, Heero wouldn't want you to suffer like this. Heero wouldn't want you to starve yourself to death just to see him again."

THAT made Duo look at the young Arabian. The look in his eyes, pained and haunted, made Quatre want to sob.

"He wouldn't?"

Duo's voice came out hoarse and cracked after having no use in weeks.

"Of course he wouldn't! You know that! He loved you very much, Duo. He'd never want to see you hurting like this."

Duo looked back out the window but said,

"I wonder sometimes if this isn't his way of punishing me."

Quatre couldn't have been more shocked if the American had hauled off and decked him.

"WHAT? Duo! Heero loved you! Why would he be punishing you?"

Duo looked at him again.

"Because I made him feel something. Because I forced him into a relationship he didn't want. Because I took him away from the cold life he was used to and introduced him to a life so alien that half the time he couldn't understand what he was thinking let alone feeling."

In a smaller voice Duo continued.

"Because I kept telling him I loved him, praying I'd hear him say the words back."

Quatre looked at Duo, heart lightening a little. This was the most Duo had said since the day Heero died.

"And when he did? How did it feel, hearing the words aloud for the first time?"

Duo's expression was heart-wrenching.

"That's just it, Quatre. He never did. He never said anything even close, not once."

Quatre stared at him agape. He couldn't believe it, but recovered quickly.

"Not once?"

Duo shook his head.

"But, we all knew how bad Heero was with admitting his feelings, let alone saying much about them. Surely you could tell by the way he acted toward you that he loved you. The rest of us could certainly tell by watching that you two were WAY in love."

Duo nodded slightly.

"I guess you're right Quatre. Sorry. I'm just not thinking straight. Would you hand me that sandwich and pop the top on that can?"

Quatre was delighted. He immedeately did as asked and watched approvingly as Duo took a couple of bites and a swig of pop. After that he promised to come check on him again in a half hour or so and left Duo to finish eating.

Duo sighed chucking the sandwich back onto the plate and resuming his watch out the window. Heero however, had sat there dumbfounded, never before realizing the truth of those words. Duo was right. Although Heero _had tried_to show Duo that he loved him, he'd never said it. Not once. Not one single time, in response to Duo's own declaration or otherwise. It was then that Heero realized why he was still here: It wasn't that he should have _done_ something, he should have **_said_** something. And in a definately Un-Heero-like fashion, Heero hung his head in his hands and cried.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

That was a week ago and things hadn't gotten much better. Duo was eating a little better, but he wasn't gaining any weight back yet. And although he was talking more with Quatre and Trowa whenever they came to visit, he still refused to leave the room.

"Heero."

The Japanese young man jumped at Duo's voice.

"I know you're gone but somehow I feel better talking to you, like you can hear me or something."

Duo shook his head ruefully. Heero looked at him.

"I'm here, Duo."

"Heero...I miss you. Terribly. I kept thinking that this would all be a very bad dream that I'd wake up from eventually. I kept hoping. And as the days wore on I came to the realization that I wasn't asleep but I was still trapped in a nightmare that I can't escape from. Sometimes, at night, I dream you're there beside me and I hear you breathing in my ear. Then I wake up cold and know that's all it was, a dream."

A tear slipped down the American's cheek.

"I keep thinking about what I'd do differently if I had the chance to go back and do things over. I keep thinking that I always pushed you too hard, always telling you I loved you, always trying to get you to say the same thing. Even though I _knew_ how much you hated to talk about your feelings. Even though I _KNEW_ how uncomfortable you were about our relationship. I thought you'd come around eventually but I just couldn't wait. I'm sorry, Heero. I love you so much."

By now, tears were streaming down his face.

"Sometimes, I wish I were the one dead, instead of you. I know you would've handled this far better than I have."

Duo brushed his sleeve across his eyes.

"I'd hate to know what you'd think of me if you saw me sitting here blubbering like an idiot. You'd probably do what you always did and go find Quatre so he could calm me down."

Heero nodded, knowing that that was exactly what he had done before. Then, it had seemed right, but now, he wasn't so sure. Heero knew he had always sucked when it came to relationships and feelings and had always went to Quatre when felt that he couldn't help Duo but knew that the young Arabian could.

Finally Heero knew what he had to do. He got up, walked over to Duo, and knelt in front of him much like Quatre had done. He laid one ghostly hand on Duo's and took a breath.

"Duo, I know you won't hear this. For being the 'God of Death' you sure as hell can't**hear** the dead, but there are some things I need to say, and I hope that on some subconscious level your heart hears me and this helps."

Duo adjusted slightly in the chair, leaning his head against the windowsill.

"Duo, I know I never said the words, but I tried to show you how I felt. I know I sucked at that too. I knew I had major emotional problems from the beginning. _That_ is why I was so uncomfortable in our relationship. It had nothing to do with you. It was me. _Me_, the guy who didn't know how to fail had taken on a mission I was sure I couldn't complete. But I couldn't resist you, so I looked at others for examples. I watched Quatra and Trowa mostly, hoping to figure out what I was doing wrong so I could fix it. But when push came to shove I still didn't get it so I'd run to Quatre, all but begging him to calm you down, at least enough for me to fiqure out what to do. But when I'd come back into the room, you'd both just look at me with that look-like you were expecting something from me. And then you'd both look at each other and sigh, and I never got it."

By this point Heero was looking down at their hands, oddly interconnected due to his ghostly nature.

"I never knew that the answer was so simple. You knew I wasn't perfect, but you clung to _US_. You just wanted me to try. Even if I didn't get it right, you just wanted me to try. I never had to look toward anyone else. I just had trust in _us_ and what you meant to me, what you **still** mean to me. I'm just sorry I didn't learn the lesson until it was too late to do anything about it."

Tears were sliding silently down Heero's face.

"And Duo, you're wrong about one thing: If you were the one dead, I wouldn't be doing any better. By now I probably would've found a way to kill myself. I probably would've self-detonated Wing Zero while still in the cockpit. You see, Duo, you and Wing Zero were the only stable things in my life. Sure, we had friends, but Wing Zero never let me down. And neither did you. Gods, but I should've said this long ago...I love you, Duo. I love you."

"I love you too, Heero."

Heero's eyes flew to Duo's face, not daring to hope that the American had actually heard him. But what he found was Duo sleeping, peacefully for once, a small smile stretched across his lips.

"I love you, Duo," He whispered again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stay tuned for Chapter 3!

You've made it this far, you can weather the rest!

The end is worth it! Promise!


	3. Wing Zero's Next Pilot

**Hiya, Again!**

**Here it is, Chapter 3: Wing Zero's New Pilot**

**I hope you like it! **

**Thanks to ESM & Priscel for the reviews:)**

Standard Disclaimers apply: Don't own anything but the storylinefor Three Words.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Duo seemed a little more at ease and Heero wondered exactly how much Duo had heard while he was asleep, if at all. He also wondered if he could use the same trick to talk to Duo more. He finally decided that he'd try that tonight when Duo fell asleep. Just then something outside drew both men's attention to the window. A polished, white limosine was pulling up the driveway to the Winner Estate.

"Relena," Duo mused. "I wonder what she's doing here?"

And much to Heero's suprise, Duo straightened himself up a little bit and headed downstairs.

----------------------------------------

With Relena's suprise visit and the subsequent hugs and greetings no one noticed a certain, quiet American slip into the back of the parlor where everyone had gathered. Relena released Quatre from a hug and sat down in an armchair. She looked around at everyone, smiling as she did.

"You all look good. Is everything o.k. here?"

"Oh yeah," said Quatre. "We're fine."

"And Duo?" asked Relena, somewhat quietly.

Quatre smiled.

"He's doing Better. This last week he's taken a GREAT swing upward! He's eating more; He's getting his color back; He's even talking more! By next week I think I may even have him venturing out of his room again!"

Quatre's delight was obvious. Relena smiled, relieved.

"That's good. I was really worried about him."

Trowa spoke up, saying, "Don't worry. Quatre's joy is infectious and his brand of healing is wonderful. Duo's in good hands."

Trowa squeezed the young Arabian gently, pulling him tigher to his side and brushing his lips across the top of Quatre's head. Quatre smiled, blushing slightly at the praise. Relena smiled at the couple, glad to see them so happy. Then she sighed and Trowa looked up.

"Yes, Relena? I knew you'd get to the point of this visit sooner or later."

Relena nodded.

"I wanted to give everyone some time to think, some time to heal, if possible."

Everyone knew she meant Duo mostly. She spread her hands out on her knees before continuing.

"Since Heero's death most people have been decent and not brought anything up in reference to him, or the rest of you for that matter. But, over the last week discussion has been going around about what to do with Wing Zero."

"What about Wing Zero?"

Everyone turned to look at the unexpected Duo standing in the doorway.

"Duo. I'm glad to see you up and about. I won't ask if you're feeling better. I can guess."

Duo nodded.

"Thanks, Relena. Now, what's this about Wing Zero?"

She sighed.

"Well, some of the council members have started putting together a list."

"Of what?"

"Of candidates to pilot Wing Zero."

"What?" "WHAT!"

Exclamations came from everyone. Relena's eyes never left Duo.

"What do you mean? No one else can pilot Wing Zero!"

Trowa was almost restaining Quatre.

"The mere thought is suicide. No one but Yuy has the necessary force of will to control the Zero system. Not efficiently anyway," came Wufei's opinion.

"I know that," said Relena.

"It doesn't matter," said Duo. "No one else is going to pilot Wing Zero."

His voice was as cold as the look in his eyes.

Relena put her hands up in front of her defensively.

"Hold On! I didn't say I was going to let anyone either, now did I?"

Everyone looked at her expectantly.

"I could only think of three options: #1-Wing Zero is brought here to be stored at the Winner Estate. #2-It's made into a monument, symbolizing everything that you, and most importantly, Heero, has sacrificed for everyone else. Or #3-It's destroyed, in true Heero style: self detonate it. The council is all for the monument idea."

Quatre spoke up, "I know that the government has housed Wing Zero since the last fight, but I'd have NO PROBLEM making a hanger for it here."

Trowa nodded, agreeing with him. But Duo shook his head.

"No."

Everyone looked at him.

"Wing Zero isn't a monument. Nor are _any_ of the Gundams. They are a symbol, of a war none of us wanted, and all of us fought for. They're a reminder, that to save the best in all of us, some of us had to unleash the worst. Heero wouldn't want some little kid staring up at Wing Zero saying, '_Oooh! I wanna pilot a shiny robot just like that one someday!_ ' He'd roll over in his grave."

Quatre just looked at Duo, seeing the pain in his eyes.

"And while Heero despised what Wing Zero made him, he also respected it for the great machine it is. He wouldn't want it to just sit and collect dust like Tallgeese did all those years. No. Heero would detonate it."

Relena nodded. "I agree."

Duo looked into her eyes and knew she was expecting the next part.

"Furthermore, just as no one else has the right to pilot Wing Zero, no one else has the right to destroy it. Heero was mine. I'll do it."

Relena nodded again. While she and Duo hadn't always seen eye to eye, particularly over Heero, Relena had gracefully conceeded the fight when she had finally seen how happy Duo made him. This honor could go to no one else.

"Very well. I'll make arrangements for Wing Zero to be brought here within the week."

Duo nodded.

"Thank you, Relena. Now, if you will all excuse me. I'm tired." And he left.

Trowa looked at Relena.

"Will the council give you any problems over this?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know. Actually, I don't think I care. If they have a problem with me or this decision then they can just shove it somewhere unpleasent."

Most of them looked at her with varying degrees of suprise. Relena stood, preparing to leave.

"They're not the ones who fought and died for for this war. You are. And while most of you survived, parts of everyone died along the way. And there is nothing any one of us can do, or say, to bring those parts back."

She hung her head sadly and whispered, "I only wish I could."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

O.K. Whatcha think?

I know this one was really short but I think it measured up to the rest of the story.

I should only have one more chapter left, max 2.

I would really like to know what you all think: Please R & R. PLEASE!

Thanx! Nekuyasha :)


	4. Fire and Light

**Hiya!**

**I'm back with another chapter: ****Chapter 4 - Fire and Light**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**3 days later...**

True to her word, Relena delivered Wing Zero rather promptly. Quatre had a space set up for Heero's gundam to reside until Duo could bring himself to destroy it. Much to everyone's suprise Duo came out to meet the convoy and oversee the placement of Wing Zero. Afterwards, Duo stood outside staring up at it, almost as if just being near Wing Zero could bring him nearer to Heero.

Or at least, that's what Quatre thought. He had watched from the sidelines, letting Duo do as he pleased, just grateful that the American was actually out of his room. He hadn't left it since Relena's visit. But, he was still eating and talking, so Trowa told him to calm down and relax.

"Otherwise, you risk pushing Duo back into his shell. He'll be fine. He's just hurting still."

"I know," said Quatre. "This probably isn't helping anything either. I should be doing this and letting Duo rest. I'm just worried about him, Trowa!"

Trowa pulled the young Arabian back against him, wrapping his arms around Quatre's shoulders.

"Shhhh, mi amore."

Trowa rested his head atop Quatre's as the young man relaxed, leaning back against him. Trowa smiled lightly.

"I know you're just trying to help him, but Duo _needs_ to do this. **Yes,** it's going to hurt him, but he isn't going to _really_ heal until this is done. The best thing we can do is stay out of his way but be here if he needs us."

Quatre sighed but nodded in agreement.

"I know. It just hurts though, to look at him I mean. To know how much he's hurting..."

His hands came up to hold onto Trowa's arms. He continued quieter.

"I mean, I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost you. I'd die. I feel so bad for Duo, and yet, I can't help thinking how glad I am that it wasn't you."

Quatre hung his head in shame. Trowa turned his young lover in his arms to face him and lifted his chin gently.

"It's o.k.,Quatre. I know. I'm glad it wasn't you, too."

He placed a soft kiss on Quatre's lips before pulling him tighter in his embrace. Trowa didn't want to say it aloud, he didn't want to further upset Quatre, but he was uneasy. Although Duo was still doing better, he had the bad feeling that Duo was still contemplating something...drastic.

------------------------------------------------

Duo stood at the foot of Wing Zero, oblivious to his audience. Heero, however was looking at the Arabian and European with a mix of joy and sadness. He had never realized how blessed he was to have such great friends. He had never told them that either.

'_And now I'll never get to,_' he thought.

Heero shook his head in disgust. He had wasted **so much_ time_**!

"There's **another** thing I'd add to my 'Gotta do that' list, IF I could."

Duo chose that moment to interupt his reverie by climbing up Wing Zero.

"What are you doing, Duo?"

Heero rolled his eyes as Duo just kept climbing. He couldn't hear Heero.

"Of course he isn't going to answer you, Yuy. He only hears you when he's asleep." '_Not that he hears you very well then either.'_

With that Heero started to climb up after the American. Duo didn't stop until he was at the entry hatch. Then he popped it open and ducked inside. What worried Heero was when the hatch closed and he heard the start up sequence begin. And although he hated the way he could pass right through things, Heero had no choice if he wanted to follow Duo.

He phased right through the hatch and into the cockpit. Considering how little room was left for a passanger, Heero started seeing the usefulness of his transparent state. Duo was sitting in the pilot's seat, going through all the start up sequences, with an oddly calm look on his face. Heero watched Duo as he flew through the start up like he had thousands of times before in his own Gundam. It was unreal to see someone else in HIS Gundam. Heero wasn't sure if he'd handle it so well if it were anyone but Duo. As all the panels started showing green, Duo checked them once again, took the controls and lifted off. Originally Heero thought Duo was just going to sit up here or maybe take Wing Zero for a joy ride, but now he wasn't so sure.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"What the..."

Trowa's quiet comment was drown out by the starting engines. He had seen Duo climbing up Wing Zero but he didn't think that the American was actually going anywhere.

"What's happening, Trowa?"

Quatre pulled away from the European to turn and look at the Gundam. The engines came to full blown life just then and you could almost _see_ Wing Zero taking it's first 'breath' in over a month.

"WHAT!"

Quatre watched as Duo lifted Wing Zero up and took off.

"What **IS **he doing!"

And then he ran back into the house. Trowa sighed.

"So much for keeping calm."

When Trowa caught up to Quatre he was trying to raise Duo on the radio.

"Duo. Duo, this is Quatre. Come in...Come in, Duo. Come in..."

Quatra looked up at Trowa, obviously worried.

"He's not answering, Trowa!"

"What's going on? Who's taking off in Wing Zero?''

Wufei asked as he entered the room that acted as Mission Control at the Winner Estate.

"Duo! He's taken off in Wing Zero and he won't answer me on the comm!"

Quatre answered him, rather excitedly.

"Trowa, calm down Quatre. Keep trying to raise Duo and I'll get Nataku ready to lift off."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Duo was listening to the other three pilots over the open channel.

"No."

Quatre's worried voice came back to him immedeately.

"_Duo! Duo, what's going on? Where are you going?_"

Duo's answer did nothing to assuage the young Arabian's fears.

"To do what I said I was: I'm going to destroy Wing Zero."

Heero flinched when he actually heard those words come out of Duo's mouth. Even knowing it was coming did nothing to help the sting. But Heero knew this was different. Duo was on a mission and Heero knew all about completing missions.

"_Duo. This is Trowa._ _Are you o.k.?_"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Trowa. Sounds like Quatre isn't doing so hot though. Maybe you should be more worried about him."

"_Well, he's just a little worried about you at the moment. Something about you taking off without telling us anything._"

"Yeah, well...I just figured I'd get it over with, you know."

Then in a smaller voice..."Standing there, looking up at Wing Zero, it was like I was waiting for Heero to climb out of the cockpit and flash that bare twitch of the lips that passed for a smile and I'd know everything was alright. And the longer I stood there, the more it sank in that he was really gone. I can't deny it any longer. And the longer I put off destroying Wing Zero, the longer I torture myself, and everyone else."

Quatre's voice came back,

"_So, where do we need to pick you up?_"

Duo didn't answer.

"_Duo, damn it! Answer me!_"

"Stop screaming, Quatre. I can hear you just fine."

"_Then answer me! Where do we pick you up?_"

"_You're not coming back, are you, Duo?"_

Trowa's voice came over the comm, much calmer than Duo had expected.

"Trowa...I'm glad you understand. Somehow I knew you would. I want you to listen to me very carefully, because I'm only going to say this once. I have always looked on our exploits as fond memories to be held deep inside and drawn on to give me strength when I needed it most. A guy couldn't find better comrades anywhere in the galaxy. And I will always hold the memories of all of us together deep in my heart. We all lost everything that mattered to us to war, and we found everything that we needed in each other. We became our own family. We always knew that no matter what happened we could trust each other. We could always rely on each other to be there when we needed it most."

Duo sighed, taking a breath.

"_Duo, please don't do this. Please..._"

Duo smiled sadly.

"Oh, Quatre. I have to. Listen to me, Quatre. I appreciate everything you've done for me, before and now. But I can't live like this anymore. The whole mansion is like a waking nightmare with a silver lining for me. Everywhere I go I am reminded of better times, with all of us there. ALL of us, Quatre. **ALL.** It's not like that anymore. Heero's gone and I can't just sit there watching you and Trowa and not think of Heero! I don't want you to feel bad. I know you don't mean to hurt me and it's not just You. It could be ANY happy couple. It **_hurts_**. I loved him, Quatre, and I miss him. And there's nothing you or Trowa or Wufei or _anyone_ can do about it!"

A sniffle and a whimper told Duo that Quatre was probably being cradled into Trowa's shoulder by now. Duo sighed again and pressed a hand to his eyes.

"Quatre...It seems I have an uncanny knack for upsetting you lately. I'm sorry. Trowa..."

"_Yes, Duo?_"

"Take care of Quatre, o.k.? Make him happy. Make him laugh now and again."

"_You got it, Duo. Anything else?_"

"No. You've been great friends. I love you guys."

Duo switched the comm frequency to the battle channel used by the Gundam pilots.

"Wufei. Wufei, can you hear me?"

"_Yeah, I hear you, Duo._"

"Good. Can you do me a favor?"

"_What's that?_"

"Take care of Quatre and Trowa for me. Make sure they have a chance to be happy. Don't let anything happen to them."

"_You can do that yourself, Duo. I've got you on my scope now and I'll catch up before long. Why don't you just save me the trouble and come back here. I've beat that gundam before, don't make me do it again, Duo._"

"You really think you'll catch me, Wufei? Altron's fast and powerful with you piloting it, but you'll never catch Wing Zero. You've been a great friend."

"_Duo, .._"

Duo reached over and turned the comm off.

"So, are you really gonna do it? I never wanted you to kill yourself, you know."

Duo sat there piloting Wing Zero into the upper atmosphere, never hearing Heero. Heero looked at him sadly. Then he jumped as Duo started talking again.

"Heero? Can you hear me? I feel like you're here with me."

Heero laid a ghostly hand on Duo's shoulder.

"I'm here, Duo."

"I hope you can hear me, that way you can be getting ready for me. I'll be joining you soon. I hope you're not mad that I'm blowing Wing Zero to kingdom come. It just seemed right."

Heero shook his head.

"No. I'm not mad, Duo. Just sad that it's come to this. I failed you. I couldn't save you in the end. I'm sorry, Duo."

After another minute of silence, Duo said,

"I'm close, Heero. I'm almost there. I can detonate soon."

Duo was already starting the Self-Destruct sequence. Soon, sooner than Heero thought, the system was ready. Heero moved himself to twine around Duo until he was basically sitting in Duo's lap with his arms wrapped around him.

"I love you, Heero."

"I love you, too, Duo."

------------------------------------------------------

And just as Wufei had a visual on Wing Zero and it looked like he might actually catch the damn fool before he did something drastic, Wing Zero erupted into a bright star of light and fire, taking with it the souls of the two best Gundam pilots ever.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Heero jerked as he sat bolt upright in bed, gasping to catch his breath. Then he flopped back on the bed in relief. A dream. That's all it was...a dream. Heero let out a breath of relief. It had been **so **real!

Just then Duo moved in his sleep, snuggling back against Heero, trying to get comfortable again. Heero's throat tightened almost closed with the lingering emotions from the dream so fresh in his mind.

_'He's here.'_

Heero rolled over wrapping his arms around the American, cradling him gently. He breathed in a deep wif of Duo's scent.

_'He's here, he's warm,...and he's mine.' _

Heero remebered the dream and wondered if it wasn't someone trying to tell him something. Last night, he and Duo had gotten into a horrible fight and Heero had left saying he wasn't returning and that Duo could find another toy, perhaps Wufei. Then he left. He had gone out to do some maintenance on Wing Zero. He hadn't returned until very late. Heero used time like that to think and he had come to the conclusion that not only did Duo **not** deserve that kind of treatment, but that HE couldn't bring himself to leave Duo. Not really. And although he saw that as a major flaw and weakness, he knew he'd never leave Duo willingly. So he had come back late and slipped into bed well after Duo was asleep, telling himself that he'd try to straighten things out and tell Duo how he felt in the morning.

_'I've never told him...I've Got to.'_

"Duo. Duo, wake up."

Heero gently shook the American, trying to wake him.

"Duo. Duo, wake up. I've gotta tell you something."

Heero kissed one eyelid then the other and then smiled as he saw a small sliver of Violet peek through.

"I'm dreaming, You're smiling. You never smile."

That made Heero's smile broaden even more. Duo's eyes opened wider to look at Heero with a mixture of wonder and confusion.

"Are you o.k., Heero? You're really starting to freak me out."

"Never better, now that you're awake and I know you can hear me."

"Hear you? Did I miss something you said?"

Heero shook his head.

"No. I haven't said it yet."

"What?"

"I love you, Duo."

Duo's eyes, which had been drifting closed, shot open in shock.

"WHAT?"

Heero blushed a little, but repeated himself.

"I love you, Duo Maxwell. With all my heart and soul, or, whatever's left of them."

"When d..., I mean, Why? What brought this on? Not that I'm not thrilled, because I am! I just...Why now? Because of our fight?"

Heero shrugged a little.

"Maybe a little. Mostly because it's true. I love you and I've never told you. Even when you've told me that you love me, I've never said the words. I just tried to show you. It's not enough. I had to tell you."

Heero looked deep into Duo's eyes.

"And I swear to you Duo, that I won't hide it any more. I love you, Duo, and there may come a day when I won't be here to say it or show you. So I swear to try my hardest to tell you and show you every day how much I love you."

By this point tears were streaming down Duo's cheeks.

"I never thought I'd hear you say it, Heero. Never."

Heero kissed the tears away from Duo's eyes so he could look into them again.

"That's something I'll just have to make up for."

Heero spent the next several hours showing Duo exactly how much he loved him.

And afterward, as Duo snoozed lightly in Heero's arms, the Perfect Soldier knew that Duo wasn't his biggest weakness anymore, but his biggest strength. In defeating the demons in his mind, he had defeated his fears, his fear of commitment and love. And in doing so, he found the one thing that could make him truly unstoppable: HOPE. He now had hope, for their future and their relationship. And as Heero looked into the face of the one person that meant more to him than anyone or anything in the galaxy, he knew that their future would be a bright one indeed.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

O.K., It's Finished!

(jumps up and down in glee)

Hope you all enjoyed the ride and much as I enjoyed making it!

Thanx to everyone for their support!

And thanx to everyone who reviewed this story! I really appreciate it!


End file.
